ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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