why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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