Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
