He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
