i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
