i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
