Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
