dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
