Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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