Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
