The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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