My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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