i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
