His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
