Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Even my vagina gasped.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
