Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
