Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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