You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
