but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This baby is an asshole
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
