M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
