No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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