I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
