This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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