i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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