Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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