I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
