i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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