We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
