sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
