My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
