Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
