someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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