I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
