ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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