Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
