oh god the rape fog is back!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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