I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
