:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
