no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
