Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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