the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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