my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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