Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
