I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
