So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
