never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
