Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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