you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
