im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
