i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
