Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
