I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
