i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
