i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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