I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
